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A letter to my 12 year old self.

Updated: Oct 16, 2022

By anonymous

Hey, you probably don’t know who am I, but here’s the thing - I happen to have a pretty good idea about who you are, after all i spent the last 23 years getting to know you a lot better.

It probably seems all too strange to you right now, but hopefully it’ll all start to make sense as you read through this letter.

The reason I’m writing you this is because I know the whole family thing is starting to look real bleak at where you’re at right now. And as you move into a new school the coming year, it’ll definitely be affecting you in ways you cannot yet comprehend. So I hope this letter can give you some sort of assurance as you move through the coming years.

I know you have been wondering what is the whole point of having a family, especially with all that you’ve gone through.

Remember that one time where our parents cancelled our birthday dinner on our birthday itself because our sister wasn’t feeling too well, and we cracked opened a can of coke alone in the kitchen whilst singing ‘happy birthday’ to ourselves? Yeah, that was tough isn’t it - we even decided right there that we’re never going to celebrate our birthdays anymore.

But hey, don’t fret over it for too long because there will come a time where you’ll have people around you who remembers your birthday every year even though you stopped caring about that day. Not that it has anything to do with the birthday itself, but it should give you comfort to know that despite not having your own family care at your age - you’ll one day be surrounded by others who do.

And there’s always that weird feeling we get whenever we hear of friends going on overseas trip with their families at the year’s end - brings back sore memories of our only family trip to Australia doesn’t it? The constant fighting between our mom and dad everyday, and the feeling of being so alone in that trip really made us wish that we never went to Australia in the first place.

I can safely tell you buddy - that was the first and the last trip you will ever take with the family in your life. Not that its such a bad thing, because you will go on other epic trips with friends you choose to be your new family to places you would have never imagined yourself going. You will see the world with people you want to have around and have shared experiences with those who matter more.

And in a few years from where you’re at, things with our mom and dad will finally settle. All those nights we spent curled up alone in our room in the dark as they fight will one day become a thing in the past.

So trust me when I say that I entirely understand what we’ve gone through and are going through right now - that whole bag of anger, disappointment and loneliness, its tough lugging that baggage around. Our family has let us down one too many times for us to even have any sort of hope - and we had no choice but to still call them family.

What I’m trying to say is that even though it might seem like you have no choice at your age, its not going to be the case in some few years to come. There will come a time just down the road you’ll meet someone whom you can call family - not by blood but by your choice. Fast forward from there, you’ll meet even more people whom will form your chosen family - the ones who’ll stick by you in the good, the bad, and definitely the ugly times (p.s. just a piece of advice, don’t ever cut your hair bangs in the name of fashion experiment).

Family isn’t necessarily those we are born into without a choice, it can also be those whom you choose to surround yourself with. Your chosen family will mean a whole lot to you one day - they will do so much for you and you will too for them. So stick it out, things will one day get a lot better.

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